I have decided to write a quick update. I found a new fabulous toothpaste yesterday and this morning when I looked in the mirror, I froze. They looked so big and thick and healthy. I started taking real care of my teeth in September 2012, as I realized due to my bulimia and drinking 5 energy drinks a day and always using a whitening toothpaste my teeth looked weak, transparent on the edges and the enamel was gone. One of my front lower teeth wore out on the edge and I finally realized what a damage I’ve cost my teeth for 4years of constant purging and drinking energy drinks but also 8 years of whitening toothpaste. I started using sensodyne toothpaste which does not only protect but also restore enamel. It did miracles on my teeth but leaves protective layers on your most exposed areas and it’s great but does not look very good as someone may think sth is growing on your teeth or you’re not washing them. Anyway, it’s worth it, so screw people. Last week I didn’t make much money and tried to find an equivalent to my Sensodyne restore and protect toothpaste which in the UK costs 4 pounds, and found Colgate enamel restore and protect which cost 1.60 pounds. Took it, tried it, and the rest I’ve already told you. Teeth look healthy, are shiny, enamel looking good, the ends look white and nothing grows on them. I am still going to use Sensodyne, I am just going to mix it up and use Colgate before going out. Maybe next month they’ll have Sensodyne for 3 pounds and I’ll take two tubes. I survived the almost starving two weeks, it was unbelievably hard, as I was eating mostly tortillas and every time I complained to my best friend she reminded me that we used to starve 5 and 4 years ago and it was so easy for us to go days without eating. I truly have no idea how we did it. My weight dropped though, a couple of kilograms as I was burning 1500 kcal at work only and eating 500 kcal during the day. Last couple of days I was drinking instant soups and could not lose a thing, I don’t know, was it salt or something, I’ll never know. Will throw out the remaining ones though, I only have asparagus ones left and they are horrible. I have no idea if I’m working on Monday but fingers crossed. Yesterday I bought tne food I need for a week and I am going to be okay. I haven’t worked out much this week. I did on Thursday and that’s pretty much it when I think of it. Will definitely work out today and tomorrow. Now, off to the New Years Resolution list and how many of these have I already broken and have to work on.
1. Take excellent care of my eyes. – Doing my best.
2. Wash my eyes every day with soap. – Always.
3. Wash my face every day. – Already broken.
4. Continue to take good care of my teeth. – Check and proud.
5. Continue not smoking. – Shouldn’t be a problem.
6. Stop eating candy at all times. – Broken. Ate a few times including yesterday and today.
7. Go back to being vegan. – This is going to be hard, for two weeks I was a vegan again, but yesterday I bought cookies and pizza.
8. Take vitamins every day. – Broken. Should focus on that.
9. Continue not purging. – Check and proud.
10. Go to dermatologist. – First thing I’ll do when I’m back home this summer.
11. Only use laxatives after eating something forbidden like candy or fries at Mac. – I don’t think I’ve used laxatives or lax tea since December.
12. Never eat fries at McDonald’s. – Haven’t broken.
13. Use mouth washer every day. – Run out of, will buy next friday.
14. Continue not drinking coffee every day. – Remember when you didn’t drink coffee for 5 months last year? Not drinking every day tht’s for sure.
15. Continue not drinking coke, soda or energy drink. – I did drink lemonade because they didn’t have water at the store. First and last time though.
16. Continue not drinking and eating things that have sweetener. – Except for that one lemonade, done.
17. Limit time in frony of the computer. – Failed.
18. Find a good paying, stable job that I won’t have hate. – Still looking.
19. Help my parents financially. – Will do everything I can so they have an easier situation next year.
20. Lose all these kilograms. – According to my notebook, I’ve lost about 6 killgrams since New Years.
21. Start eating healthy every day. – Trying.
22. Excercise every day for at least ten songs if exhausted, if not an hour.- Need to focus on that.
23. Blink often and use eye drops. – As often as I can.
24. Sleep more. Go to bed before 12 am. – Done every day but yesterday and today.
25. Don’t binge. – Binged today and yesterday.
26. Continue not cutting yourself. – So far so good. Scars from February 2012 are finally starting to whiten so I am happier.
27. I will repair my relationship with my parents and make them proud again. – This is my priority.
28. I will be there for mh best friend 24/7. – Always.
29. I will spend all the time mh parents are at work with my best friend when I’m at home visiting. – I will.
30. I will be happy. – Oh It’s so hard.
31. I will do something creative every day. It’s hard wigh this job.
32. I will draw at least once a week. – Failed.
33. I will watch only good movies. – Failed.
34. Take photos of yourself. – Haven’t taken one in a long time.
35. Continue taking good care of your hair. – My pleasure.
36. Don’t bleach at all and don’t dye your hair every month. – We’re okay.
37. Take photos of the beautiful world around you. – Too exhausted working.
38. Write down everything you eat. – Trying.
39. Eat more grapefruit, avocados and mangos. – No money, but ate 4 grapefruits this week.
40. Get my control back so I can be proud of my lifestyle. – Trying.
41. Be open to meeting new people and talking to them. – Trying.
42. Socialize. – Been doing surprisingly good this year.
43. Make movies. – Will do.
44. Continue going to movies you love, but nkt every crap. – Will do.
45. Sing more, like you used to. – No conditions, thin walls.
46. Read more. – Yes.
47. Stop being sad. – Easy to say.
48. Don’t think of suicide. – Would be easier if I had a stable job.
49. Buy nice clothes. – No money.
50. Write down your thoughts every day. – Every other day, like today.
51. Don’t spend your money on food that’s going to end up in the toilet. – Preach.
52. Do everything you can to go back to Australia. – Hard without a job.
53. Repair relationships with my friends. – Done! All three of them!
54. Stop swearing that much. – Done.
55. Last meal at 5pm. No eating after 5 under no circumstances. – Broke a couple of times.
That’s it. I’ll write soon! Now It’s time for my pizza. Have a good recovery, everyone!
Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from. 